Thursday 11-18

I had a blood test this morning for my protime.  It took 2 pokes.  Yuck, just not into that.  Then I went to the drive through for the usual.  I just wasn't up to going on in and sitting by myself.  My friend, Rosemary wasn't there so I did drive thru instead.

After that I went to the tummy doctor's.  It has been a month since I was supposed to go.  I had to tell the Physician Assistant I see about mom when she asked about mom.  She was very sad.  So was the nurse.  The nurse had tears in her eyes as I told her about mom.  It has been a month today.  It seems like forever in some ways.  I am getting used to being on my own but it is still really hard.  It has been 7 years for the nurse's mom and 14 years for the nurse's father.  She said even though she knew her parents were together, it was still really hard and it took a long time to move forward.  She said not to think about it moving on, because you never really do, it's moving forward, it isn't getting over either, just moving forward and that helped me a lot.  Moving forward is also what Richard calls it.  I am trying to move forward in my life.

I haven't heard from the direct marketing company yet.  I am hoping I hear from them soon.  I am so anxious to get this job.  I am also looking for other work too, so I am not putting all my eggs in one basket, but I know this particular company is hiring.  I will ask Phoebe about it in a couple weeks if I don't hear from them.  I know it probably takes more than 2 days, I mean, I only applied Tuesday.

I want to thank all my readers for their kind comments about yesterdays post.  I am so pleased to read that I am doing alright with grieving.  I have heard from several that have let me know that it is an individual process and I shouldn't be on anyone's schedule.  I will not worry about it anymore.  I am doing okay.  I did cry at the tummy doctors, but that was to be expected.  I am having a better day today than I have had in the last few days, especially on Sunday.

I have been looking for a new pair of running shoes for almost 6 months now.  Well, I was in Walmart and went to the shoe department, I don't usually do this, but their running shoes caught my eye.  I have ordered and tried at least 4 pairs of shoes so far and none have fit just right.  To my surprise, the shoes I looked at fit just right so I finally have a new pair of shoes.  I am very excited about this as my old ones are really looking old and the arches aren't too good.  I am hopeful for this new pair.  I will be trying them tomorrow at home to see how they feel.  I am hopeful that they will work well for me.

I went through about 24 envelopes of pictures and CDs of pictures last night, to find 5 pictures of me and mom, or just me or just mom.  I take pictures of everything but people!  Now I am sorry I didn't take more pictures of mom, but I do have quite a few too.  Not too mention she will always be in my mind and heart so I won't forget what she looked like.  I am enjoying scanning pictures too.  It is fun.  I will do more on the weekend.  I am going to have my friend, Heather B-T bring up the big box of family pictures.  Inside are many pictures of all of us.  I also am going to start bringing in a box of slides every few months to be transferred to disc.  I am excited about doing this.  Mom and I had been meaning to do it for years and then poor little Momma got sick and forgot about it.  I will do it in her place.

I have had an okay day today.  Outside of the brief tears today, it hasn't been too upsetting.  I knew the doctor would be upsetting because Momma came everywhere with me.  So now all of my doctors know and I don't have to go through that again.  I would say at this time everyone who knew Mom now knows she is gone.  I have gotten lots of sympathy, which at times I need, not all the time, but sometimes, but more importantly, I have gotten support on moving forward in my life.  It will be a hard thing, but I am not alone and that is important for me to remember even though at times I feel so alone, I really am not.  I have friends and family I can call, not to mention face book or email.  I may not be able to get a hold of someone right away, but generally, it isn't too long until I can get a hold of someone.

I hope your day was good and that you are having a good Thanksgiving Season.  I am thankful for all my friends and family.  I am also thankful that I had such a great mom who was also my best friend and companion.  I have wonderful memories of her that I do cherish even if at times they hurt right now.  I know eventually I won't the pain along with them.