My anxiety goes into overdrive when the date of October 18 rolls around and as it inches closer, well, more and more fear creeps into me causing the extreme paralyzing fear. This year makes the 4th year since Momma passed away. I don't think she would be happy with the paralyzing fear but I also don't think she would be surprised since she did know what my anxiety was like. I get this way around her birthday too. It is just insane. It isn't like those are the only 2 days a year that I think and remember her, I think of her everyday.
I am proud that I did do well on that day. We had things planned and that was good but I didn't feel the urge to lie down and cry all day either, which is what I did the first 2 years after Momma died. All I did the first year, I think, was cry.
I talked to Heather BT about this paralyzing fear and she said when I feel it coming on to speak with her so I will. She is very calm and can help me calm the fear with such good things. I am so thankful. Kathy is the same way.
Here is an absolutely adorable picture of the Peony girl doggie. She makes everything bright in my life. I never knew, until Maisy, how wonderful a dog's love could be. Here is also a picture of Maisy. I miss her, but she is in Heaven with Momma so Momma isn't lonely for me. Maisy is the top picture and Peony is the bottom picture.